Cosima Underwater

Cool it!…lol

I am sitting in a shiny new Porsche cabriolet. The car still has that new car smell, and it isn’t plastic smell but real leather smell. I am in Berlin. It’s a warm summer night. The roof of the car is down. I am looking up into the sky, and see trees framing the night sky, full of stars. Other cars are honking at me. I must have veered out of my lane. On the seat next to me is an empty child seat, and I am relieved that it is empty. I am relieved that I am alone in the car.

I am driving much too fast, and accelerate some more as I take a tight curve. I look into the rear view mirror and see myself wearing sun glasses, in the middle of the night. I keep thinking that I should take them off, but can’t bring myself to do it. It would be too much effort.

I am driving down Kurfuerstendamm, and lots of people walk on the sidewalks. For some reason, I only see happy couples hand-in-hand, and hookers, lots of hookers in neon pink mini skirts. I accelerate and marvel at the power of the car. A gentle tap with my foot, a fraction of a centimeter, brings the speed up to over 100 km/h.

It’s the end of the Kurfuerstendamm, and I am taking a wrong turn into the Autobahn exit, which will lead me against oncoming traffic. I realize it’s the wrong way, and I don’t want to die, but in my mind it feels like a task I have to do. I concentrate, as I normally do when I take the correct way. Slowly I drive along the tight spiral bend that leads down to the Autobahn. Suddenly, the short acceleration lane appears, and I stomp on the gas pedal to get the speed up. I feel the same nervousness, as I do when I drive there in reality, in the right direction. It’s a very short acceleration lane, and if there is a lot of traffic, you rely on people braking for you to let you in. It’s nerve wracking. It’s nerve wracking, I keep thinking. I am on the Autobahn now, driving the wrong way, a “ghost driver” as they are called in German. Very bright light shines into my eyes, blinding light. Then I wake up.

So that was my night. It feels like I am about to fall into a deep hole. Imaginary depression.

“There is nothing wrong with your life. Look at the people around you, who have real problems. For God’s sake… you need happiness pills!” That’s the advice I got last time. Basically a correct analysis, but it didn’t really help. It just hurt.

Thankfully, the sun is shining today. I took a long walk along the beach after I brought little man to the school bus. Yesterday evening, we read a very cute book about a boy who is afraid to go pee because of an imaginary loo monster. The book has a happy ending. The boy defeats the loo monster by boldly peeing on its head. I keep thinking that I have to do the same.

Nina Hagen & The Capital Dance Orchestra: Flat Foot Floogie

Hong Kong really has only two seasons. In summer it is hot and humid and in winter it is cold and dry. This winter was an exception though, for a few weeks the weather played havoc in China- you may have heard it in the news - and we had lots of rain, wind, and lower than usual temperatures in Hong Kong.

Since a few days though, the weather has turned balmy and it feels a bit like springtime /early summer in the northern hemisphere. It’s an in-between season and can last anywhere from a couple of days to a whole month. And it’s during these in-between seasons that Hongkong’s male bird population is out in full force, calling loudly for potential mates. They are all pretty loud, but one species stands out.

Its call sounds roughly like “how-you?… how-youuu?… how-youuuuu?”, can go on for several minutes, and gets increasingly louder and more urgent. One of these desperate Casanovas sits on a tall tree in front of my house, and makes sure we are up very early. I call him Larry, and Larry is damn lucky that there is tight gun control in Hong Kong.

Larry: How-you? (How are you this morning?)

Cosima: tired groan

Larry: How-youuu? (Helloooo! Anybody out there?)

Cosima: Shut up!

Larry: How-youuuuuu! (You are not my type anyway!)

Larry: How-youuuuuuuuuuuu! (Hello feathered ladies, my name is Larry and I am a strong, viril, and beautiful bird in his best years. I can offer you protection and a newly built nest with jacuzzi nearby.)

Cosima: Larry you sound like an online dating ad… desperate. The only thing that’s missing is…

Larry: How-youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! (…. my net worth is 1 millon Dollars!)

Cosima: Don’t forget to mention the credit card debt.

Larry: How-youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?

Then, mercifully, Larry stops. But it’s too late, I am awake and can’t fall asleep again.

I did a bit of ornithological research on the net, and found out that Larry is an Asian Koel and belongs to the cuckoo family. He looks like this and sounds like this… only much louder.

… but I don’t blame you, if you thought it were. Here are my bad excuses for not posting in a long while in no particular order:

- Little man had a week of school holidays over Chinese New Year.

- My parents are here for a visit.

- So we were out and about a lot, despite the…

- really awful weather. It was wet, cold, and windy, and just staying dry and warm took enormous effort. Thankfully, the weather has been much nicer the last couple of days.

- I have started my tax accounting for Cosima Inc for the entire last year. In retrospect, it would have been much better to do it at the end of every month, but I had thought that for such a small business I could do it quickly in one go.

- My bank thinks it is sufficient to put “Withdrawal”, “Deposit”, and weird number combinations as descriptions in 80% of the transactions in Cosima Inc’s bank statements, which makes reconciling accounting entries a real slog.

- The year of the rat has just begun, and I am still pondering whether it’s good or bad that I was born 36 years ago and it’s going to be my year. Yes, I confess I am a rat, known in the Western world as the bringer of disease and pestilence.

There seems to be a definite hierarchy among the twelve Chinese zodiac animals. Little man was born in the year of the horse, and I still remember the newspaper articles about Chinese women having Cesareans at the end of the lunar year, in order to birth a horse instead of a sheep.

I don’t think being a rat has as much prestige as being a horse, dragon, or tiger, but the rat is the first animal of the twelve year zodiac cycle, which has to account for something… right?

The 12 Zodiac animal signs (生肖 shengxiao) are, in order, the rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, sheep (ram or goat), monkey, rooster, dog, and pig. There are many legends to explain the beginning of the zodiac (see Origins of the Chinese Zodiac). One of the most popular reads, in summarized form, as follows:

The rat was given the task of inviting the animals to report to the Jade Emperor for a banquet to be selected for the zodiac signs. The cat was a good friend of the rat, but the rat tricked him into believing that the banquet was the next day. The cat slept through the banquet, thinking that it was the next day. When he found out, the cat vowed to be the rat’s natural enemy for ages to come.

Source: Wikipedia

… oh well. Kung Hei Fat Choi!

Did you know that Mickey Mouse is in fact a rat? He is on Chinese New Year decorations all over town.

… Behind the smiles and charm, rats can be terribly obstinate and controlling, insisting on having things their way no matter what the cost. These people tend to have immense control of their emotions, which they may use as a tool to manipulate and exploit others, both emotionally and mentally. Rats are masters of mind games and can be very dangerous, calculative and downright cruel if the need arises …

Source: Wikipedia

Poor Minnie…