Life is a string of knots, and freedom is unraveling the knot and moving on to the next.
We are all born into a subtle net of strings around us. I don’t think any of us is truly free. At times these strings become like a straight jacket from which we want to break free, but at other times we wrap ourselves in them for comfort, security, and guidance. We need them. Without them our lives would be empty.
I look at other people’s life and don’t understand there motivations, their strings, don’t understand why they scramble like mad to achieve things that for me have no meaning, and I am sure the same happens the other way around.
I am bound by my fears and weaknesses and bound by love and happiness. The strings in my head and in my heart will not go away. I find it very hard to decide which strings to hold onto and which one to slash, but I have comfort in knowing that I am not the only one having that problem.
Welcome to the year of the tiger, a marvelous beast at the brink of extinction. It’s going to be a powerful year, and I – in the hidden, quiet corners of my mind – have decided to survive.
This is turning into a food blog, and that’s how it should be. What do you really need? Love, of course, and other nourishments. And is there a better way to share and tell that you love, than cooking and eating and savoring food?
This is a Thanksgiving post from a professed atheist, though I know that God loves me nevertheless :).
I was craving for food that I grew up with. I am quite adventurous with new foods. I eat what smells good, and that is 99% of the food I have encountered. The big exception is Durian, but one day I will be brave enough to try it too. It smells of dogsh*t, but people tell me it’s as good as custard. Maybe, one day, I will try it.
I was dreaming of calf’s liver. In Berlin, it is dusted in flour and seared shortly on each side, and served with fried apples and onions on top and mashed potatoes. My mum makes yummy calf’s liver.
Some people get grossed out at animal innards, frankly I don’t get it. If you eat a steak (which necessitates to kill an animal), you should also be able to eat its innards, especially if they are as tasty as liver. Isn’t it more humane to eat as most as possible from an animal, you kill for food?
I know people who eat goose liver (expensive, French, you need to force feed geese to get it) but turn their noses up at liverwurst (cheap, German, you only need to quickly kill the pig). I eat both of them.
Where am I heading? Gosh, I don’t know, but the oxtail stew (the very end of a cow) cooking away on my stove smells lovely. I can’t get calf’s liver in my neighborhood supermarket, but fortunately they have oxtail, and chicken with the heads still on, and other animals that we eat but sometimes don’t want to know we eat.
One thing I admire about Asian Food, and there is lots more that I admire, is that they are still aware where the meat comes from. In western-style supermarkets, more often than not, every reference to the animal is removed. Clean cut steaks, minced beef and pork, cutlets, chicken breasts. We have that here too, but you can also get chicken feet, whole chicken with their heads on, and fish that is taken out of the tank and killed for you. Sounds gross? It’s the reality. If you don’t like it, become vegetarian.
I eat meat as a treat. I use meat to flavor, not to get full. I remember the pigeons, rabbits, chicken, and pig at my grandmother’s neighbor’s house. We ate them, they tasted lovely, they were prepared with care, they were prepared as a rare feast.
I have a sweet tooth for cooking shows. Is there anything better than arm chair traveling around the world with a little salivating on the side?
APPETIZER
I can’t watch Food Safari without munching something myself. Maeve O’Meara, the presenter, has the best job there is. In every show, she eats herself through one of the “immigrant” cuisines of Australia, and in the process has eaten herself around the world. Thailand, Lebanon, Spain, Malaysia, Pakistan, Hungary…
I also love that she goes shopping and learns about essential ingredients before digging in.
<
MAIN
Food is love, and Rick Stein shows how delicious it is. He travels around Great Britain and Continental Europe in search of simple, good, local food, and because his restaurant is located in a sea side town his show often features seafood. Mmmmmm!
DESSERT
It needs to be sweet, sticky, gooey, and full of chocolate.
“Who wouldn’t want this? Look at this ravishing… pool… of chocolate. It’s quite mesmeric.”
Oh yes, it is. Are there language courses that teach Nigella’s accent?
… posts I mean. The meme is stolen from Lime. I wrote down the first words that came to mind.
I know….left from right
I believe… no, not really
I fought…. windmills
I am angered…by self-righteousness
I love…you
I need… a coffee
I take… three of each
I hear… the wind
I drink… too much wine
I hate…early mornings
I use… mascara
I want… slow sex
I like… bell peppers
I feel… your skin
I wear… a sarong (yep, HNT this Thurday)
I left… home
I do… avoid doing dishes
I hope… we will argue like an old couple in twenty years
I dream…. weird things lately
I drive… you insane
I listen… carefully
I type… real slow
I think… too much
I wish… you were here
I am… crazy
I regret… not having listened to my gut feeling
I care… about you
I should… not worry so much
I said… no sweets before lunch
I wonder… if the windows will break
I changed… the water bucket under the aircon five minutes ago
I cry… very easily
I lose… my bearings
I leave… now
If you see your life as an adventure and from a distance, at least once a while, it becomes much more enjoyable.
Because the risks and downsides that your security loving and rational mind can’t cope with become much more palatable. That’s the state I am in, and I have decided to just go with the flow. If I am not too lazy, I will write a book when I am 83, and enable my grandchildren to live off the royalties.
So, the landlord of our 1,350 square feet flat just send us a letter. He wants double the rent we are paying now. He asks for US$3,600. Expats in Hong Kong will now say “Wow, that’s still cheap!” (maybe not, if they work for Lehman Brothers Asia), the rest of the world says “Are you sure you got the numbers right?”.
I am just stunned. Rents are falling, the flat needs renovation, how stupid the landlord thinks I am?
I don’t know what to do, but on thing is for sure I will not pay US$3,600 every month for this flat (leaking pipes, out-of-order aircons, peeling paint, non-closing windows, kitchen and baths in dire need of renovation) even if it has been our home for the last seven years.
And I need a job that pays rent, little man’s school fees, and allows us to eat. The trouble is that the only field I have qualifications in is in dissolution at the moment.
Conundrum…. to be honest with you… I can’t even pronounce it.
That’s what I am in, and I am trying to find an answer… without having to say the word out loud.
Have you ever searched for happiness? I think there are two kinds of people. The first kind is happy no matter what, the second is searching… constantly… for no matter what. Unfortunately, I belong to the later.
Both kinds are necessary for this world. I am very happy when I am with people who show me where, when, and how I can be happy. Then I can show them even greater happiness.
I am in Berlin. Berlin is my home. Im German we have this funny word “Heimat”. If you travel around the world, as more an more people do these days, Heimat takes on a strange meaning. I can see the negative sides of my “Heimat”, I can compare, I can see the pro and cons, I can find new little Heimats all around the world, but when I come home it still feels special.
PS: To those of you in the US constantly complaining about the price of gas… it could be worse… you could be paying German gas prices at 1.51 Euros a liter, thats US$9.10 per gallon. Bicycle sales are up, but there are still enough traffic jams to make me think that US$15 per gallon is feasible.
Six years ago, I received the most special gift of all. The contraction started at 6 o’clock in the morning and at half past two in the afternoon, I held little man in my arms for the first time. He looked into my eyes with utmost concentration.
Little man was the most special birthday gift I have ever received. I say that because our two birthdays are very close together, mine will be in three days time.
See the big, white swirl between Hainan (first Chinese island east of the Vietnamese coast) and Taiwan? That’s typhoon Fenshen, which already wrecked havoc in the Philippines.
It’s heading to Hong Kong (located midway between Hainan and Taiwan, at the Pearl River Estuary, where the red line meets the sea, just a touch north of the big, white swirl). The early morning hours are going to be interesting.
Pssst, don’t tell anyone, but I love typhoons.
The air is already fresh and clean. A strong breeze is going through our flat, a welcome relieve from the humid heat we had during the day. The night skyline of Hong Kong is in front of our windows, so clear that it seems possible to grab the skyscrapers with our hands.
Thankfully the winds are not as strong anymore as when Fengshen hit the Philippines, but the bedroom window just closed shut with a bang. I better tighten the hatches.
Don’t tell anyone, but when little man has fallen asleep I will go onto the balcony and stay there until even I get scared. Last time, I only went inside when the plastic chair of one of my neighbors was flying by.
PS: Update at 23.45 from the HK Observatory…
“Tropical Cyclone Bulletin
Here is the latest Tropical Cyclone Bulletin issued by the Hong Kong Observatory.
The No. 8 Northeast Gale or Storm Signal is in force.
This means that winds with mean speeds of 63 kilometres per hour or more are expected from the northeast quarter.
At midnight, Severe Tropical Storm Fengshen was centred about 80 kilometres southeast of Hong Kong Observatory (near 21.7 degrees north 114.6 degrees east) and is forecast to move north or north-northwest at about 14 kilometres per hour in the general direction of the Pearl River Estuary.
According to the present forecast track, Fengshen will be closest to Hong Kong in the morning, its centre might even cross the territory of Hong Kong.
In the past hour, the maximum sustained winds recorded at Cheung Chau and Sai Kung were 44 and 47 kilometres per hour with maximum gusts 62 and 69 kilometres per hour respectively.
(Precautionary Announcements with No. 8 Signal)
1. Complete all precautions in your home. Lock all windows and doors, fit bars into position and insert reinforced shutters and gates if they are available. Adhesive tape fixed to large window-panes in exposed positions will reduce damage by broken glass. Strom water drains should be cleared of leaves and rubbish.
2. Do not stand near windows on the exposed side of your home. Move all furniture and valuables away from these areas. Make sure you have a safe place to shelter, should windows be broken.
3. Since seas are rough, you are advised to stay away from the shoreline and not to engage in water sports.
4. Flights at Hong Kong International Airport may be affected by the weather. Please contact your airline for the latest flight information before departing for the airport.
5. Owners of neon signs are reminded that they should now arrange for the electricity supply to their signs to be cut off.
6. Please listen to your radio or watch your TV for the latest weather information broadcast at the 15th, 30th, 45th and 58th minute of each hour. You can also browse the Hong Kong Observatory’s web site for the information.”
It’s lovely and calm on my balcony, and I wonder if this was a fluke to begin with or if I am in the eye of the storm.
I saw this at APJ’s blog, and it was the perfect excuse not to do filing and accounting…
[1] What’s one thing that would instantly make you dislike a person?
Disrespectful behavior makes me dislike a person instantly. Some people go through life thinking that they are just a touch better, smarter, more beautiful (etc, etc, etc) than the rest of us little earthlings. Thinking it is bad enough, but showing and acting on it is even worse. I think the fancy term is arrogance?!?
[2] What do you do when you need to relax?
It depends. Taking a walk or doing other physical exercise helps when I am stressed out and need to get adrenaline out of my system. At other times, watching TV programs that don’t need too much mind-bending helps. Cooking or travel programs, or even better a combination of the two, put me in an instant feel good mood. When I am at the very end of my ropes, I lie down on my bed and concentrating on breathing in and out.
[3] Why do you think there is war in the world?
An avalanche of stupidity and fear on all sides. It always seems to start very small, then gets fanned by people who want to profit from it in one way or another, and soon enough it snowballs out of control… but ultimately it remains a mystery to me.
[4] Do you think it’s OK to sometimes tell lies?
We learn from an early age that it is not OK to tell lies, yet we all do. It’s confusing to me. I tell lies sometimes, but most of the time I remain silent, and that may be even worse.
[5] Do you like things in life to stay how they are or change?
I like to discover new things everyday, but I also need a secure base to do it from. What I hate is people taking important decisions that change my life without discussing them with me first.
[6] If someone liked you, what would be the best way to let you know?
It’s a multitude of small things that makes us like a person. Sometimes it comes instantly and sometimes over time. I don’t think it’s always necessary to spell it out, because one can feel it, but it’s also nice to hear it. Then, the where and how doesn’t matter at all.
[7] What are you listening to right now?
The hum of the ceiling fan.
[8] If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first?
I would buy a home, and put the rest in a savings account and pay our living expenses with it. Sounds really boring, I know, but in my current situation even the mere thought thrills me to no end.
[9] Would it change your life?
No, but it would settle a few worries.
[10] What was the last thing you purchased?
A brownie for little man and a coffee for me. We had an after school indulgence at our neighborhood coffee shop.
[11] What do you do when you’re stressed out?
I try to step back and get some rational perspective on things. Unfortunately, I am not always successful.
[12] Would you honestly say you’d risk your life for someone else?
I have never been in a situation where I had to make that decision, and it somehow feels wrong to say I will without a doubt. I think I would for little man, and other people I love.
[13] Do you believe in Aliens?
I don’t know if there is other life on distant planets, and as long as they don’t visit us or we them, I won’t give much thought to the question.
[14] Could you forgive a boyfriend or girlfriend who physically hurt you?
Willfully? No, I don’t think I could.
[15] What’s your greatest fear in life?
I have worries when I let my mind wander too much. Sometimes the little worries grow out of proportion and become debilitating. I hate when that happens. They are imaginary, what-if fears. So far, in real life, I have survived everything life has thrown at me.
[16] Do you have a best friend?
I have several good friends, but no best friend.
[17] Are you afraid of death?
No, I am not. I don’t believe in hell, so there is nothing to fear.
[18] Do you think parents should stay together for the kids?
I am not sure, not at all cost, but I am not sure where the cut-off point is. I think they should at least try to remain friends, and support their children and each other.
[19] Can money buy happiness?
I have met seriously rich people in my former line of work (we are talking private-plane-kind-of-rich). I don’t think they were any happier than people like you and me. Some of them even thought that they were poor.
On the other hand, I know people who have very little and exude contentedness and never miss a chance to smile. They would probably love to have more money, but that doesn’t stop them from having a good time here and now.
To have a certain financial security is very nice, but true happiness seems to be a state of mind not a state of the wallet.
[20] Are you looking forward to anything?
No. At the moment, I am taking one day at a time, but I am hoping for nice surprises.
[21] Write some lyrics from the song you’re listening to?
I am not listening to any music at the moment.
[22] Do you open up to people easily?
To some people I do, because I feel an instant connection, but on average I am rather reserved.
[23] Has anyone given you a compliment today?
Not today, but can I tell you about last week, when I wore my new jeans skirt for the first time? The other mummies at the school bus stop thought that I look fabulous. It made my day!
[24] What do your friends call you?
Not Cosima… lol
[25] Has anyone upset you in the last week?
Yes, very much, and I have him in return. To tell you the truth, I feel awful.
[26] What usually causes your relationships to end?
Disrespect for each other and/or a lack of common ground.
[27] Are you close to your parents?
Yes.
[28] What’s the best thing about you?
You have to ask other people.
[29] Do you think you would be a good parent?
I am a parent, and I try my best every day.
[30] Are you a forgiving person?
No, it’s not one of my strengths. My memory is too good.
[32] Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
The man who works at our local post office. He gave me a receipt for a parcel I posted, and then said good bye. I reminded him that I have yet to pay for the parcel. I think he was a little stressed out. The queue was long.
[33] Where is the last place you went out to eat?
The day before yesterday, I had lunch with very good friends at a dim sum restaurant. It was delicious.
[34] Whats your favorite drink?
I am a coffee addict, but to quench serious thirst there is nothing better than water.
[35] Do you miss anyone?
Yes, I do.
[36] What were you doing at 3 AM this morning?
I don’t know if it was 3am, but at some point during the night I woke up because I was too hot. I switched the air-conditioning on. After a while, I woke up again because I was too cold… off, on, off, on… and then it was 6.30 am and the alarm clock went off.
[37] Who do you hate?
No one. It’s much too stressful.
[38] Is your room clean?
Yes, but there are cushions all over the floor, and documents for Cosima Inc. Little man and I had a pillow fight last night, and I should do accounting for Cosima Inc instead of writing this post…
[39] What are you going to do tomorrow?
I am hoping that the weather will be good, and that little man and I can go to the swimming-pool.
[40] What is in store for your future?
I don’t know.
[41] Do you take care of your friends while they’re sick?
My friends have families that take care of them when they are sick. I have taken care of sick family members, and what I find interesting is that while some people draw into their shells to heal, others get whiny and loud. Guess who I like to take care of more.
[42] When was the last time you purchased something over $500?
For a single item? A long time ago. So long ago that I can’t remember.
[43] Any piercings?
One in each ear.
[44] Favorite color?
Blue.
[45] Who is your favorite person to have a serious conversation with?
How serious?…lol… I would rather have fun conversations.
[46] Who was driving the last time you were in a car?
A cab driver.
[47] What kind of digital camera brand do you have?
Panasonic.
[48] Does any part of your body hurt right now?
I feel a headache coming on and feel like a nap. I am exhausted.
[49] How many tickets do you have?
For speeding? None, I don’t have a car.
[50] Do you like coffee?
Yes, I am addicted to it.
[51] Why are you doing this survey?
I saw it at APJ’s blog, and I am as bored as she was, and I don’t want to do accounting.
[52] Who was the last person that texted you?
Someone who wanted to sell me something. I can’t tell you what, because it was all Chinese to me.
[53] What does your twelfth message in your inbox say?
I am too lazy to look.
[54] What are you craving?
Nearness.
[55] Whats the closest red thing to you?
My bra is bordeaux. Does that count?
[56] What is the last pill you swallowed?
A vitamin pill this morning.
[57] How did you sleep last night?
See 36.
[58] What was the first thing you thought this morning?
I wish I could stay in bed.
[59] What did you do last night?
I read a good-night story to little man and lay next to him until he fell asleep. Then I called an overseas customer, and did this and that for Cosima Inc. When I was finished it was 11.30pm. I chatted a bit with a friend until my eyes started to close. With a last effort I changed, brushed my teeth and went to bed. When I was in bed, I couldn’t sleep. Many things went through my head, and I couldn’t make them go away. So I got up again, and saw a bit TV, which must have put me to sleep. I woke up on the couch a little later. I stood up and went to bed.
[60] Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
Yes.
[61] What were you doing at 7 am?
Asking little man to come to the table to eat breakfast.
[62] Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted long?
No.
